R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The topic first came up during a family discussion. Then, the same night, it came up during a small group meeting. This struck me as significant, and set me to thinking about ?respect? ? what it is, who deserves it, how it?s expressed, and so on.

A phrase I?ve often heard ? and even used myself ? is ?Respect is something that must be earned?. After some thought, I still believe this to be true ? but only about 25% true. This is because I?ve identified four kinds of respect: There?s inherent respect, respect of knowledge, respect of position, and earned respect. These four can and do exist separately, but are most often intertwined, and it?s this weaving together of two or more kinds of respect in a single relationship that can cause a lot of trouble. Let?s take a look at the four kinds of respect individually.

The first kind of respect (and these are not necessarily raked by any kind of importance) is inherent respect. This is the most common and widespread kind, and is the basis of our whole system of manners and courtesy. Indeed, it?s the foundation of the Golden Rule, ?Do to others what you would have them do to you? (Matthew 7:12). This kind of respect is to be extended not because of anything that has been earned or because of any position the person may have, but simply because he or she is another creation of God. This kind of respect is probably the least spoken about and the most easily brushed off, and yet it is probably the kind most represented in the Scriptures, for the vast majority of the Old Testament laws relating to one person?s treatment of another, and a great amount of the teachings of Jesus Christ and His apostles on the interaction between people is based on this simple assumption: People deserve each other?s respect simply because they are co-creations of the same Father. This respect, when extended between non-Christians or between Christian and non-Christian, may have a different ?flavour? than when it?s extended between Christians, since Christians have the additional bond of salvation, but the basis remains the same.

The second kind of respect is the respect of knowledge. This kind of respect is, in a sense, earned. It is based simply in the recognition and acknowledgment that the person to whom you?re speaking or listening is more knowledgeable than you in the particular subject at hand. The most obvious situation in which this occurs is in a teacher-student relationship, but peers can also display this kind of respect. For example, I have three friends, Don, Brian, and Mike, who are all experts in their particular fields. While we are all peers and are on relatively equal footing, I will defer to Don on automotive matters, to Brian on construction questions, and to Mike on classical guitar. I respect each of them for the knowledge they have beyond my own in these areas.

Next we have the respect of position. This is based on the amount of legal, social, spiritual, or other authority one person has over another. This authority may be imposed on those in the lower position (such as a student who has been assigned a teacher), or it may be awarded by those in the lower position (such as citizens who have elected a ruling official). The authority may be given by general acclaim (again, such as in the case of an elected official), or it may be bestowed by a higher authority (a company president promoting an employee to a position of management, for example).

Finally, we have the slipperiest kind of respect, the earned respect. This kind of respect is difficult to gain and easy to lose, because it often involves at least one of the other forms of respect (usually respect of knowledge), and because it?s often difficult to define. A grade-school boy who wins every fight has earned respect; so has a coworker who consistently treats others with fairness and honesty. This is the kind of respect that?s talked about the most; yet, in some ways, it?s the least common of them all. Perhaps that?s why it?s talked about so much ? when something is relatively uncommon, it becomes more valuable.

Most of you have probably already noticed the greatest problem associated with these kinds of respect: They often overlap. Inherent respect should be present at all times with all people. Respect of knowledge and respect of position often go hand-in-hand. Respect of knowledge and respect of position are both enhanced by earned respect. As a result, people often become confused about how much respect to show to someone. Sometimes too much respect is given. For example, actors and musicians are often quoted as experts in various fields ranging from reproductive rights to welfare reform. The respect they?ve earned as actors or musicians (a combination of earned respect and respect of knowledge) has been shifted to include a respect of position that they don?t really have. More often, however, respect is withheld. A teacher, for example, may have lost earned respect in a particular area ? perhaps he?s rude to others. A student may then refuse to obey that teacher and cite that rudeness as a reason, forgetting the respect of position that overrules that particular earned respect.

As Christians, where should we stand on the issue of respect? As far as inherent respect is concerned, the answer has already been given in the reference cited above: Do to others what you would have them do to you. For a Christian, this is more than just good advice, it?s a command, with other commands that tie in: ?Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt?.? (Colossians 4:5; this refers specifically to being polite when talking about Christ to non-Christians, but it can be applied to all speech); ??but in humility consider others better than yourselves? (Philippians 2:3; this does not mean to be a doormat for others; rather, it means to be sensitive to their needs and willing to suspend your rights in favour of theirs). These are just two examples; anyone who has read even superficially in the Bible has run headlong into other practical commands on treating others with respect. And let me say again that these are commands. I can?t emphasize that too greatly. These are not options to be followed only if we?re having a good day. Inherent respect is probably the hardest to maintain; it often takes a conscious effort of will to bite back sarcasm when hurt or to treat someone kindly who has in some way just offended you.

Respect of knowledge is not often referred to directly in Scripture. Much of the book of Proverbs deals with respecting wisdom, which is closely related to knowledge. The apostles, in several of their letters, advised their readers to treat the older men and women with respect; this might be partly an expression of respect of position, but more likely is a respect of the knowledge and wisdom that come with living. Common sense tells us to respect the words of one who knows more than we on a given subject. While we are free to question their words and seek verification from other sources just in case they might be wrong, we would be very foolish indeed to reject them outright. (How often have you heard a child say of their teacher, ?He doesn?t know what he?s talking about!?? Only their youth can excuse the silliness of that statement!)

Respect of authority in Scripture is usually divided into two categories: Respect of civil authority, and respect of religious authority. In both cases, the commands are pretty clear ? respect them! (?Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honour the king.? [I Peter 2:17]; ?Paul replied, ?Brothers, I did not realize that he was the high priest; for it is written: ?Do not speak evil about the ruler of your people.??? [Acts 23:5; ?ruler? in this case refers to one who is as much a religious leader as a civil one.]) There is, of course, room in this kind of respect for questions, but outright defiance is condemned, with one exception: If the ruler, religious or civil, is in clear defiance of God, then one?s principle allegiance is to God over man. This exception, however, is to be used with the utmost care, sensitivity, and prayer ? don?t forget that the ruler has himself (or herself) been, if not directly appointed by God, at least anointed in that position.

Where does earned respect appear in Scripture? It doesn?t ? at least not directly. There are passages admonishing those in authority to be worthy of respect; this is probably earned respect, since the respect of authority or knowledge would, by the above definitions, be inherent in the position. However, these could also, conceivably, be a warning against doing anything that would cause a removal of the respect due the authority of that position.

When I started thinking about this subject, I figured the concept of respect would be easy to deal with. But as I?ve discovered ? and as you can see ? the subject is far deeper and more complex than it seems. I can only scratch the surface here. An in-depth study of respect in the Bible would be valuable for anyone, since we all have to deal with others every day, and respect is one of the things that makes that daily interaction bearable and even enjoyable. The proper exercise of respect would eliminate the majority of quarrels between people, the majority of civil unrest, and the majority of church divisions. There would still be quarrels, unrest, and divisions, but at least these would be due to more serious problems worthy of the disruption they cause! As it is, how much energy do we waste on clashes that could have been avoided with just a little mutual respect?